Lack of Motivation

All of this worrying about the future has gotten me down. I really need to get my head back into the game. I am caught up with all of my assignments, but I'm not way ahead like I was. Perhaps all of that ambition has worn me out early. I have to keep reminding myself that I will make due with whatever happens. If I don't get into the nursing program through my college, I can always try at the University. There is no sense in worrying so much. I can get through this.

Anxiety!

Lately I have been obsessed with mapping out my classes/future. A few weeks ago I made an awesome spreadsheet with the next four years worth of classes that are required for my nursing degree. I find myself constantly thinking about it, wondering if I should make any changes to the order of the classes. I am very nervous about being accepted into the nursing program, so I have tried to arrange certain classes together to give me the best shot at achieving an A grade.

I wish I had more of a solid source of the things that I could do to increase my chances of acceptance. The school's FAQ's are currently unavailable and they have decided not to release the values for their point system. I figure my best chance at getting in is going to come from a high GPA and high test scores on the HESI entrance examination. I had a counselor tell me that having a year or more experience as a CNA would earn you an extra point. That sounds great except I honestly have no time for even a part time job right now. I feel like school work takes away from the time I have with my children enough right now.

I read online that community service may help increase your chances, so I am going to look into volunteering at the NICU where my baby stayed for a couple months. I have been doing lots of community service for the last several years, but none that involves a hospital. I think it may be healing (or more traumatizing??) to go back to the NICU. It's been about a year since I last stepped foot in there.

I am working hard to focus on today and not stress too much about the future. I have been really distant and a little depressed about the thought of the work ahead of me.

Til next time...

First Post!

I have started this blog to record my journey through college. I am by no means new to college, but I would like to be able to look back someday and see where I have been.

First, a little about me..

I am a 24 year old wife and mother to two young boys. I have always wanted to be a nurse.. Seriously, for as long as I can remember. My 8th grade aptitude test even said so ;) I started my first semester of college right out of high school. I attended one semester at the local community college and decided it wasn't for me. I dropped out allowing myself to fail the pre-nursing courses that I enrolled in.

About a year later I found a local midwifery school. I was exstatic! Finally, I found something that I am really meant to do. In order to explain things correctly, I need to mention that in 2008 I tried to have my first son at home. He got stuck during pushing and we opted to transfer to the hospital. He ended up being born via cesarean a few hours later. This experience humbled me. I didn't have a clue about cesarean sections before, only that I knew I didn't want one. After that, I got heavily into the midwifery community. I learned as much as I possibly could. I met several local midwives, and I attended several births as a student.

In 2010, I became pregnant with my second child. He was due in Februrary like my first son. I was attempting once again to have the peaceful homebirth that I had envisioned the first time. For whatever reason my cervix dilated and my son was born via cesarean at 28.0 weeks gestation. I ended up with a "special scar" that would very heavily limit my birthing options in the future. I felt very let down by my midwife and friends in the birthing community. I felt alone and broken. Again, I was extremely humbled by my experiences at this point.

Up until then, I had completed about half of my midwifery education. I decided to take it slow when my first son was born and even slower when my second was born. Here is it a year later and I have had a change of heart. I have decided to pursue a nursing degree and then a degree in nurse midwifery. I know that I have a lot to bring to women who are birthing in hospitals. I have unique experiences that have deepened my understanding, and realization that birth needs a safe balance between holistic and medical care.

Right now I am finishing up the last class through the midwives college, so that I can discontinue my education there. I am also working on my third semester at the community college. I have decided that the best route for me is to complete my AS in nursing at the community college, then transfer to the University for their online BS in nursing. After that I will apply for their MSN program in nurse midwifery. I am looking at a ten year road, but I am okay with that. I am in no extreme hurry, as I love being home to raise my children.

From where I am standing now (if everything goes according to plan!), I will be a Registered Nurse four years from now. I have my prerequisites set up so that I can apply for the nursing program next year after summer semester.

By the way, I mentioned failing some classes with my first attmept at college. Well, I have redeemed myself by retaking medical math and applying for a "second chance". Apparently the community college has a process that allows you to virtually ignore your mistakes. You have one opportunity to apply for this, and it must be five years since the classes were failed. I turned in my application last week and was told the turn-around time was about 4-6 weeks. I will be waiting anxiously for their decision!

Thank you for joining me on this journey!